APHASIA (Just Music series vol. 1)

Believe it or not, this 21 – track album was arranged, recorded and partly written in just three weeks with the sole exception of two songs (that’s an average of over one song a day, if you count also the around five tracks I discarded...), while I was also mixing BIOnighT’s album “Afterpost 2001” and remastering yet another album of mine! I mention FaBIO (the other half of BIOnighT) several times in these notes, as our friendship was going thru a very tough time during that period, and I was trying to remind myself how very important he is to me, in spite of all the difficulties we sometimes have in our relationship. This album is a peculiar work for me, since it features several different styles, while I normally tend to group songs according to their genre. I guess I just needed to say many things that had been inside of me for too long, and to represent some of the different aspects of my personality and approach to life. With this variety, you are hopefully bound to find at least one track that suits your tastes :-) Enjoy! Note: all tracks were written, arranged, and performed by Mac in 2001, except where indicated. Self-release

1) Inward (2.56) Something bad happens that makes you desperate, or angry, or sad, and you find yourself thinking in the dark, directing your thoughts towards the inside of yourself, to that place nobody but you can reach. This track was originally written for BIOnighT, but was rejected by my Pard (Sbrizzi FaBIO, the other half of BIOnighT); to be honest, I’m not totally sure the main sequence is entirely mine, could be partly or even completely his :( ) so give him some credit, too...

2) The whole picture (6.20) Some people's choices may appear strange, but before expressing our opinion about them as if it was a fact it's important to consider that the person we are talking about is the only one who can see the whole picture, the only one who knows all the aspects and events of his life and is, therefore, the only one who can really understand the reasons behind his actions and choices. Judging somebody as if we were infallible is an indication of lack of intelligence or maturity. I originally wrote this track in 1999 for BIOnighT, but it didn't suit the band's style, so I took it back.

3) Rachel (3.47) Have you seen the film Highlander (the first one, I mean)? There's a beautiful character in it whose name is Rachel. Her loyalty and tenderness always moved me. While I was writing this song, I knew what feelings I wanted to express, but couldn't find a title for it; then, all of a sudden, that character came to my mind, and I realized she perfectly represented those emotions. I originally wrote this track for BIOnighT, but it was rejected.

4) Late (2.59) We play in the loft of my Pard's house on Saturday nights, which means that sometimes before he can sit down and play he has to finish eating, deal with his kids, be nice to his guests if he has some, etc. Therefore, I occasionaly spend hours looking at the ceiling and waiting :-( One night it was getting real late, and I was thinking of all the hours I was wasting, and that made me think of all the hours we all waste doing useless things while we could use better the limited time we are given, so I wrote this song for BIOnighT while waiting for FaBIO to come up to the loft. And he rejected it!

5) Distant (1.07) This is an introduction to track no. 16.

6) Streetlamps (1.49) For some reason, sometimes I fall into a humorous vaguely jazzy mood; I came up with this brief piece just for fun while mixing BIOnighT's first CD, Egoheart 1999. The image in my mind was that of a Marlowe-like detective walking along a dirty street in the dim light of old streetlamps, with a touch of smog and rain for a further touch of corny atmosphere. Written, arranged and recorded in 1999.

7) Sunday (3.50) In spite of our tormented relationship and all the problems we create to each other, and in spite of our being so totally different, very few people in the world can make me feel as serene and simply happy as my Pard does sometimes. One Sunday last summer he was home alone; I went to his house in the morning, we hung around a little bit, built a handrail for his garden, had lunch and dinner together, he read out loud a comic book for me making all the voices and noises and describing all the pictures, we listened to some music... nothing special really, but when I went back home that night I felt so in peace and happy that this little song - as simple as the day we had spent together - came out spontaneously.

8) The invasion of the cockroaches (2.20) I just love old black and white sci-fi movies, the ones with flying saucers and giant insects; this song reflects this little passion of mine following the typical pattern of those films: a first part during which tension mounts, but you see nothing happening; then, all of a sudden, the monsters become visible (and usually they are kind of camp); and then, when the film is apparently finished, there's a brief scene that basically says that the monsters are still alive! Apply this pattern to the song, and it won't be difficult for you to imagine the cockroaches scurrying along a dark wall on the final notes, right when you thought the invasion was over... they will come back! Written in 1986.

9) Back in the game (3.08) This song expresses the firm and almost exhilarating determination to go back to the constant fight that life is for so many people after yet another defeat. Written in 1990.

10) But I can see what you are doing (1.05) It's funny how some people plot behind the back of other people and think their victims do not realize what they are doing, till the day their victims can't take it anymore and react using the same methods or different ones...

11) Error (2.40) As I said, sometimes it gets real late while I wait in the loft; one night by the time we could finally start playing it was almost time for me to go home. In the meantime I had written this song, and I gave it this title because I felt that leaving home to go play that night had really been an error. Of course I wrote it for BIOnighT, but it didn't suit the band's style, so I took it back.

12) Time to myself (4.01) It's absolutely fundamental for me to have some time to myself; if I didn't stay only with myself and the things I love now and then I'd just go crazy. Some people seem to be able to do without this, other even seem to panic if they don't constantly have somebody around, but for me, and probably for other people as well, these periods of relaxing solitude are indispensable. Written in 1988.

13) Thoughts are just words (that only you can hear) (1.44) This phrase is not mine, but I don't remember who wrote it; anyway, it struck me as one of those obvious things that nevertheless you never thought of before. It's not entirely true for me, since my thoughts are often sounds and/or colors (and other things as well, I guess), but it's mostly true. Written in 1995.

14) Crumbs (3.00) There's always somebody who only gets the crumbs while the others get the bread. That is true on a big scale, like when poor countries only get what the rich parts of the world discard, and it's true also on a smaller scale, as in relationships. Somebody who may not even deserve it gets it all, and others only get the crumbs.

15) Daddy (2.20) Many years ago I stumbled into a book by Danielle Steel, Daddy. I guess that's the kind of book that only a woman can really enjoy, but at the beginning of it there was a beautiful poem. I read it over and over again. It described the kind of ideal father that I never had and missed for a good part of my life when I was younger. That poem was so moving for me that I felt the need to turn it into music. Written in 1991.

16) Distance (5.06) A girl I knew died when she was 18; the clearest memory I have about it was the difference I saw in her mother's eyes: something from her eyes had gone forever. That's a distance that separates and leaves no hope; but it's not only death that separates people: life does precisely the same sometimes. In both cases all you have left is pain. Written in 1987.

17) Troubleshooter (2.16) Last summer I went to a jazz/dixieland concert in my town; jazz has never been my cup of tea, but that band was just great, especially in terms of fun and enthusiasm that they were able to convey to the public. Their name is Woodhouse and they are from Germany; I followed them also to the other two concerts they gave in two towns near mine, and those, too, were a lot of fun. I tried to recreate that special touch with this song but failed miserably :( however, the track in itself wasn't that bad, so I decided to keep it anyway.

18) Window (0.48) You are trying to go on with your life and do your everyday things, and then while you are crossing a room you look out of the window, and the winter landscape suddenly makes that sadness click inside of you, and you find yourself just standing there incapable of moving, just thinking and feeling as if you were drowning. And then you get a grip on yourself again and go back to your (maybe empty) daily tasks. This song is actually made of a couple of tracks from "Time to myself".

19) Your blue voice / La tua voce azzurra (5.30) Just like every person sees the same thing in a different way, every musician can develop the same musical concept in a different way, according to their experiences, sensitivity, tastes, personality, and so on. When FaBIO made me listen to his song "Steel nyll suite" I liked it, but I felt that the initial idea could also have been developed differently. So I took the main theme, wrote another one to add to the first, rearranged the whole thing and came up with this version, which I arranged in 1999 and played and recorded in 2001.

20) Whatever for (the Pard song) (5.23) When I met my Pard years ago I felt as if a part of my very soul that had somehow gone lost when I was born had finally come back into my life. Though I'm sure I still have several parts of myself out there someplace, having him makes me feel more complete, and just his being around gives me a profound joy. I needed to turn this deep, pure happiness into music, which I did in 1999 when I wrote, arranged and recorded this song, in between mixing sessions of Egoheart. Quite obviously, I dedicate this song to him.

21) Aphasia (6.28) Aphasia is a condition generally resulting from brain damage; this condition determines the partial or total inability of the subject to understand and/or use words, thus being deprived of the ability to communicate. Since communication is to me the most important thing of all, the very notion of such condition has always terrorized and saddened me. However, it's not just a physical condition that can deprive us of the possibility to communicate: the incapacity or the refusal to listen of people around us can have the same effect. I had this concept in my mind for years, but I had never found the right way to express it musically. However, this year I found myself in precisely that situation for months, so when I thought of that concept music came out very fast and spontaneously. Please, try to listen to the people in your life, especially the ones that you claim to love; but remember that each one of them has their own strange way to talk...

copyright on all material: Mac 2010